"I can't make things better. Hire the band if you want someone to make things better"

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"And Never flash your tits. Or hump a...gumball machine"

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"You guys had sex to rain man?"

"Its hard to find a nice guy with a bald head and tattoos"

"he's not Asian he's just high"

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"I don't want you to throw up before our duet!" "oh BEFORE our duet, so its ok if I throw up AFTER?" "well, yeah I can't DUET without you!"

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"Note to self-when I want to feel part of the boho/Vegan/hipster crowd, replace handbag with picnic basket "

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