"Where is he I'm starting to get irritated." "Don't get irritated we're having fun" "Oh I'm not really irritated that was just a conversation starter"

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"someone should go to that 80s party as Corky Romano."

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"I sent him a text..." "And this was after you left him that voicemail message?" "Right so now I'm done" "Right because what else can you do, send him a telegram?" "Yeah, or Morris code"

"This monogamy shit is for the birds I'm so over it! "

"Btw are birds monogamous?"

"That is a very good question. Ugh ok well monogamy is for the lobsters. They mate for life. "

"good thing I'm the designated blogger!"

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"Give me the leprechaun taco!"

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"Oh that's a funny website...www.you'redefinitelyeatingit.com"

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'"can I close out my tab? Wait I don't even know if I have a tab..."

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"I'm indie. I drink SoCo"

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"are you going to ibiza?!" "what? A visa? I have a MasterCard."

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"the only reason they can afford it is because their parents are drug dealers" "that's not true I didn't see any drug dealers and I was looking!"

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"By the way I’m not a slut I just crush a lot"

"You should have botox for your heart you need to freeze your emotions"

"I am monogamous... as of 2 hours ago"

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"'Clap Your Hands Say Yeah.". "Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah"

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"...considering were trying to keep up..." "yeah with the Joneses"

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"pin the beads on the soco bottle!"

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"I can't believe I'm drunk in a strip mall"

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"It's bigger than you think. A little went up my nose."

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"'Clap Your Hands Say Yeah' is going to be there. Did you just clap your hands?" "yeah!"

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"I have to get over to the veterinarian's; my hams, calves, and pythons are defly ill and sick--hopefully, I won't run into the jealous LGBT community on the way because they are hating me for the punishment I am giving my bi's and tri's!"

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Nothing counts before I love you.

"I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought damn, I am less nurturing than a desert" - Demetri Martin

"It's myspace.com/romanarms. Traditional spelling." "Wait. How do ou spell 'Roman Arms' non-traditionally?"

"Where are we? How do you get here from the suburbs?" "Shhh!" "Did you just whisper the suburbs?"

"What's that band called?" "Fatigued Goat"?"

"It got really drunk out here"

"She was a couple of yeahs short of a full deck"

"Holy shit so he's a power monger and a liar? He's like Hitler!"

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