"

How did you meet him?" "i met him in the elevator at my hotel."
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"Is it possible that you look more Filipino since you got back?"

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"I sound like such a bitch right now" "yeah, a gym bitch. Like, a gytch"

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"Good evening, Ma'am. You look like Tyra Bunks" (not a typo)

"I drank myself sober"

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"I stepped on a cop" "wait, you stepped on a cob, like a corn on the cob?" "No, like an officer!"

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"liars don't fit into the dark shaded region of my Venn diagram"

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"she's kind of bohemian isn't she?" "no she's Armenian" "what did you think I meant, that she was from Bohemia?!"

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"You left my hallway light on. You owe me .25 for excess energy consumption. I'll deduct it from what I owe you. I now owe you world - .25"

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"Its a solo! Its a solo! Lean like a solo!"

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"La Quinta" "that means 'next to Denny's in Spanish. Direct translation."

"There's no snow anywhere in the world. I'm googling French Alps" "Alone. You need to search 'ski French Alps alone'"

"I'm here but it is as if I'm not for about another 30 minutes."

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"Tina! My favorite song is Proud Mary! I know I don't look like it but it is can I take a picture with you?!"

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