"I'm a PHARMer!"

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"he doesn't have a green card or a yellow card, or even a time card!"

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"So you're comparing my girlfriend to the fat guy's fuck friend? cunty"

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"why are you so crazy?" "because life is a pop song and my lip gloss be poppin'!"

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"I can't do anything with a 3 inch dick. I'm not David Blaine"

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"looky here missy. I have a fat ass too and I can't do that."

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"I ate my way out of my dress"

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"George and Laura Bush are the Duke and Dutchess of HAZZARD"

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"what is your ethnicity?" "darwinian and sri lankan"

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"I know I shouldn't be doing this. Its like ordering the steak when I know I should just get the shrimp cocktail."

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"I wasn't texting him. We we're messaging!"

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"here I made you a fork" "oh you made a fork" "ok I took the plastic off"

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"they take an olive and they shove bleu cheese in it."

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"That is the bitchiest thing I have ever heard you say. I'm putting that on the blog."

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"The back of my head hit the front of his head. He had to have brain surgery. I won!"

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"I have a swing upstairs. Do you want to go up and swing?"

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"they always give you one big one and one small one here."

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"I've never seen a pink nun outfit." "Maybe she's like, a cadet."

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"That's not true. The only visible bruises I have are from falling!" "Yeah falling in love!"

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"I'm really bad at patience"

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"I think i should eat fruity pebbles more often..i fucked you like a cave man until you passed out.."

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"Gun Jumping is My Cardio"

"come here, girl!" "Wait, are you talking to the dog?"

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"I saw him briefly when you were muggin' down with him on the dancefloor."

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"I'll tell you another dirty story. You better watch it!"

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"is that the new ginkgo?" "it is! I biloba it"

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"the Ginkgo Biloba rapist!"

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"Youre the pacecar, not the racecar"

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"yeah you supervise. I will be the stretcher"

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"I wasn't in hiding you dumb bitch. I was out of it"

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"I'm sure you haven’t told him any of your 'secrets' like how secretly you...buy shoes that cost as much as a car payment on a BMW 325i."

"Can I be your fat Kate Moss tonight?" "Can I be your ethnically ambiguous Kate Moss tonight?"

"you can be my Black Kate Moss tonight Lorena"

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"Cassidy, guys like tall girls. Hello Kanye West raps about a “black Kate Moss” in his new single. Petite is not en vogue. I’m so 90’s."

"It happens to the best of us. And by the best of us I mean usually me! "

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"if I wasn't me I would fuck myself"

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"eat these kids they're delicious"

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"Ya! Black jack baby needs a new pair of Choos"

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"you punctuated your sentence with your drink"

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"can I say adios libido in my wedding toast?"

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"now that's the voicemail of a woman that's independent, mature, and knows what she wants!"

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"I'm glad you gusta"

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