"let's do a shot to Mexican people!"

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"I have chipped polish, a welt on my thigh, and a bruise on my foot from jumping over the fence. I need a do over scheduled ASAP"

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"No I'm not going in there ever again. For a while."

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"Who is that a sign from? God?"

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"I love duck. I love food. I love dinner."

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" I just got caught up. Just like Jay Z says I had to check myself get my mackin back in perspective."

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"I bought that song lean like a cholo for my ipod do you know what that means?? What is a cholo?? "

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"you really suck at life"

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"what race are you?"

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"Excuse me Miss. What is your heritage?"

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"Well I couldn't find my underpants. Oh and pouting was super effective as a spoiled brat devil child. "

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"These girls who get the nasty pink and white acrylic nails are so trashy. Its the nail equivalent of a tramp stamp."

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"You do not need anymore guy friends. You're either fucking or he's gay"

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"do you go by Levi for short?" "no I go by Leviticus."

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"do you feel like within the gay community there's a lot of pressure to buy an iPhone?"

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"I was so compassionate. I gave that bitch a fucking tissue!"

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"you like the shrimp to be bigger than the tail"

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"Valley Ho for the Valley Hoe!"

" I know its random. But if you save this it will refresh my memory "

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"do not spit up hypnotq on my carpet. That would be gangsta. That would be straight hustle & flow'"

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"Probably some oil on canvas thing of him as a child holding ashetland pony on a lead"

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Quote of the night

Drunk girl: "I'm glad she cut me off. She was trying to save my workday when she cut me off. She was like 'it's a fucking tuesday you slut.'". Drunk guy: "Um, it's Monday actually."

"Do you ladies need a ride home?". "I need a ride IN my home."

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"Your eyes are always halfway closed!" "No, I'm Asian." "Great! I'm going to Blog that and people are going to think I said it!"

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"It's like going to Neiman Marcus and expecting to find $50 jeans. It's not going to happen."

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"texting and drinking must run in the family!"

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"I'm not calling him wally. I'm calling him hey you"

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"I hate to be superficial but dam you are cute! keep doing whatever it is that you are doin"

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"maybe I need botox so I can be as elusive you"

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"Are they drunk?" "No, I think they're just trashy."

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"At least he didn't pull his pee pee out"

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"Well you know you're my nearest and dearest even if you suck at sorry and swing on a rope "

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