"I've been rolling my eyes since before you were born. That shit is not going to change"

" I feel like I can SEE you telling me this and in your visiony you are swaying. At best. "

"You're cursing up a storm today. I see the cursing clouds on the horizon." "Yeah, if I had Tourette's I'd be Rain Man."

About a man with a flask: "He's a keeper." "He's the keeper of my vodka"

He needs to take sado masochism 101!

They're called a "band" but I doubt they play any instruments. They probably don't even know how to read.

Keep your legs and your options open ;)

"

We went from Hotel Rawanda to Hotel for Dogs.

"I have a boyfriend I'm not an idiot." "That's the problem you have a boyfriend so you're an idiot"

"Eve's on Glee tonight! I'm like, shawty what your name is, gurl!"

Nothing makes me more sentimental than siblings singing an inside song together

Whatever floats his boat. I only have five bucks.

Whatever floats his boat. I only have five bucks.

If the door is locked and the lights are off, you need to find another bathroom"

"let's toast to...Infinity and Beyond!"

"My arms are already sore. Biceps to be exact." "Ugh, my life is sore."

"all of my clothes are comfortable. You're just uncomfortable with some of the clothes I wear!"

"its not bar conversation. I'm killing my own buzz."

"Ugh Diane ream!" "I know, she's fucking annoying." "well, she can't help it." "I know but her bosses can."