"I was gonna crack a joke about what song rihanna sang to the police....."SOS please someone help me...." I know, too soon."

"What?! You don't know what happened? She got beaten by pop star boyfriend Chris brown! "

"Haha!! I just figured it out! Hilarious!!! I mean, domestic violence is not funny, heh"
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"you know that in 2007 beyonce and jazzy Jeff were the highest grossing celebrity couple?"

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"May I have one Obama Frosty and one Biden Frosty?"

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"On way but have to stop at cobbler." "Haha, where are we? 19th century London? I have a chimney sweep coming Sunday. Maybe I need to brush up on my cockney"

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"Why would she ask for kosher salt? Maybe because because she is carrying one of those 'Designers-does-Target' bags"

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"There is no recliner allowed when marrying me. That's something you give up just like I give up fucking other men"

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"The new beyoncé came out today. You're all indie hipster now maybe you don't even CARE :("

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"Some of those meth ads look lke American apparel ads! " "Haha! Both ads just make me want to loose weight and wear American apparel"

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"Plus that asshole behind me is driving a Chrysler. You KNOW he's a douchebag"

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"oh, she's blonde, she's at the Biltmore." "yeah they stuck us with the ug-ohs and Latina Tina Fey"

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"you're Blog's been weak lately" "hey! We're in a recession, ok?!"

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"yeah he's not a democrat. He's a dumbocrat!"

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"Doubt it's sushi grade, probably more like bait grade"

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"We said ONE basket of fries. Is he retarded? " "well I don't know if he's retarded..."

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"It was rewarding to know that I was dating someone I am smarter than. But we're bordering on retarded"

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"It's like a Summer breeze and a final Summer for your liver!"

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"I fuck like a man and can't resist a big dick. Who am I?"

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"If you hate Hilary Clinton its because you were molested by a real estate agent or somethin"

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"Most Nicholes are crazy!"

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"I changed his name in my phone to 'I need space'"

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