"He thought I was coming onto him and I was like 'look I just want your hummus, bitch!'"

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

"whatever, he lives in the suburbs. Everything is scary and dangerous when you live in the suburbs"

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

"can we give her a roofie so I can fuck him???"

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

"Bet is off bitch. I'm not doing 2 married guys in 1 weekend!"

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

"he can work on many different aspects of the democratic party" "yes including my ASSspect"

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

"when I say 'he could be cute with a makeover' I mean that he could have a big dick" "it doesn't look like there's a big dick in there to me."

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

"when you say 'that's a cute picture' it means that the person looks better in the picture than in person"

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

"I like my men like I like my whiskey. Brown and straight." "yeah and feels good going down"

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

"I think I'm going to take aderol so I don't eat and can save money. My prescription is great I can take it when I want to save money and if I want money to buy something else I can sell it"

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

"I don't know if I like condoms made in Malaysia" "that's a long way for a condom to travel"

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

This little lady came to the movies in her Sunday best!

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

"I like to know what's going on in my mouth"

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

"I can't remember who he is I need key words like half moon or older guy or big dick! "

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

"Yeah true no hanging unless you're banging. I just made that up. I am so clever!"

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

EDIT Conversation with dog with a ball. "Oh you wanna play? Oh ok wait you don't want to play. You're sending mixed messages. This is how rape happens!"

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

"one more time but a little less down syndrome-y"

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

"there was a child abducted in a scion? A scion?" "yeah I wonder if it was the box one? Black out the windows like a child molester van" " yeah a white econoline "

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

"LORENA was making adobo? ok that's the 4th fobbiest thing I have heard you say all day"

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

"between the 4 of us we almost make a full Filipino"

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

About large penises: "you're poking things you're not supposed to be poking". "Like my heart."

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

"you know i barely got DVD player working im not so techy unless it involves hacking"

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

"women are getting the shaft in this store this season! Wait is that inappropriate? I'm not even sure what that means." "I think it just depends on the listener"

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

"I'll tell someone my name is Bay. And my last name is Baybay"

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

"I'm not high maintenance I eat happy meals bitch!"

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

"Me either what? Sorry I delete texts in real time."

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

Bad highlights. Naught, stripe-ey tacky highlights.

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

"There's our bitchy hostess. We should trip her on our way out."

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

"is it her job to be a bitch or something? I mean, come on she is a hostess at a chain restaurant wtf?"

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

"I like being the camp counselor. I'm like 'come to my bunk!'"

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

"I had sex with him but it doesn't count because he was already on the list. I'm recycling. Going green!"

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

"well what if he had a gherkin dick?" "if his dick was different then we would be different"

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

"I'm a pisces what does that mean?" "I'm a half-breed I'm Korean and White. Half-breeds rock. Wait what are we talking about?"

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

"I'm not sick but I wanna die!"

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

"We could take the light rail if its not too late! Except you don't live off the light rail"

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

"come on Ron you're not a chimney sweep. Put that broom down and drink your drink!"

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

"neighbor drama! twitpic that shit!"

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

"Ok I'm at mass with grandma I'll say a prayer for your drunk ass"

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

"Ohmy god all the ice just went down my shirt. And I'm leaving it there!"

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

"I need a whistle!" " I know I need a whistle!"

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

"hey! This is a very expensive purse! Watch it with your life!" "not as expensive as mine. Ok I will"

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

"do you care if that little girl is in the picture" "no, we can just crop her out."

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

"my purse is pouring!"

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

"Hahaha, uhm, 300,000. This bar is awesome. Lordalmoghty, this is hilsrioys"

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

"Hahaha, uhm, 300,000. This bar is awesome. Lordalmoghty, this is hilsrioys"

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

"Give me an hour ok? She is literally bawling at the bar " "wait...u r at the bar?!"

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

"she burnt me" "but you know what? Beauty takes pain. I'm a diva!" -5 year old

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

"I can't make things better. Hire the band if you want someone to make things better"

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

"And Never flash your tits. Or hump a...gumball machine"

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

"You guys had sex to rain man?"

"Its hard to find a nice guy with a bald head and tattoos"

"he's not Asian he's just high"

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

"I don't want you to throw up before our duet!" "oh BEFORE our duet, so its ok if I throw up AFTER?" "well, yeah I can't DUET without you!"

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

"Note to self-when I want to feel part of the boho/Vegan/hipster crowd, replace handbag with picnic basket "

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Foie gras sushi

image/jpeg
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

"I gave her the dirtiest look available from my face."

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

"Are we still in phoenix? Its like a hood suburb." "The entire west side is a hood suburb!"

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

"We need more nights like that. Damn the DUI laws!"

"I was gonna crack a joke about what song rihanna sang to the police....."SOS please someone help me...." I know, too soon."

"What?! You don't know what happened? She got beaten by pop star boyfriend Chris brown! "

"Haha!! I just figured it out! Hilarious!!! I mean, domestic violence is not funny, heh"
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

"you know that in 2007 beyonce and jazzy Jeff were the highest grossing celebrity couple?"

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

"May I have one Obama Frosty and one Biden Frosty?"

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

"On way but have to stop at cobbler." "Haha, where are we? 19th century London? I have a chimney sweep coming Sunday. Maybe I need to brush up on my cockney"

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

"Why would she ask for kosher salt? Maybe because because she is carrying one of those 'Designers-does-Target' bags"

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

"There is no recliner allowed when marrying me. That's something you give up just like I give up fucking other men"

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

"The new beyoncé came out today. You're all indie hipster now maybe you don't even CARE :("

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

"Some of those meth ads look lke American apparel ads! " "Haha! Both ads just make me want to loose weight and wear American apparel"

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

"Plus that asshole behind me is driving a Chrysler. You KNOW he's a douchebag"

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

"oh, she's blonde, she's at the Biltmore." "yeah they stuck us with the ug-ohs and Latina Tina Fey"

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

"you're Blog's been weak lately" "hey! We're in a recession, ok?!"

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

"yeah he's not a democrat. He's a dumbocrat!"

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

"Doubt it's sushi grade, probably more like bait grade"

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

"We said ONE basket of fries. Is he retarded? " "well I don't know if he's retarded..."

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

"It was rewarding to know that I was dating someone I am smarter than. But we're bordering on retarded"

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

"It's like a Summer breeze and a final Summer for your liver!"

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

"I fuck like a man and can't resist a big dick. Who am I?"

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

"If you hate Hilary Clinton its because you were molested by a real estate agent or somethin"

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

"Most Nicholes are crazy!"

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

"I changed his name in my phone to 'I need space'"

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

“a truth stretcher is a close relative to the liar"

"He needs to be choking and in need of a final sip of water while in a Cuban prison in order for me to call. "

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

"Someone did a number on him like those shoes did a number on me last night! "

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

"I want a man tron to grind on"

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

"Not skanky just cheap and stupid"

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

"You should call me Chicago because....wait I was going to say something about wind shifting my mood but I realized there's a blowing factor. Sorry! "

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

"he was doing that with me last night and I just want you to know that he has red raised bumps on the tip of his penis"

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

"what'd you say man? I didn't even see you"

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

"Hes not drunk that's just the way he talks"

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

"No I'm not at work but I got a raise and a promotion I feel like a sim"

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

"we have a ride tonight so don't cut us off!" "Yeah I actually saw you get out of the car and I thought, 'man are they in it to win it tonight'?!"

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

"Oprah definitely isn't our target audience"

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

"The guy from 24 hour virgin- whoops i mean 40 year old virgin is in this!"

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

"He's a PC and girl, I'm a MAC! "

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

"ill be more of a cohost than a backup dancer"

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

"I am going to tell the sea witch that I'm super depressed and broke from losing my job and have therefore frozen my social calendar indefinitely."

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

"Oh this is that drag shit." "You mean drift?" "Oh yeah!"

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

"Obviously he upgraded". "Yeah and then he cancelled his service"

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

"What's his last name? I haven't fucked anyone named Juan so you can tell me"

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

"Yeah let me guess she said it was "fine" by the way fine is a 4 letter word "

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

"This is the place to be on Friday nights. I read that in the bathroom."

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

"No I wasn't dancing I just have a drinking problem"

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

"Its not the marriage of marijuana and cocaine but its still a big deal"

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

"do you drink do yousmoke? I can tell by your shoes and your purse you aint broke"

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

"I am going to dunk my hair and get bunk in here and also “'go girl'!"