"those are SRP houses...oh wait nevermind those are like, picnic areas" "Ha ha ha!!! You mean like, ramadas?"

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"its SO this century! Its SO 2008!" "oh! First time someone said that. Ring a bell!"

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"may I please have a rum and jack?"

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"Look out dr. Phil here comes Dr.sulfab & u can read his blog at www.iknowhaters.com/backstabbing/narc_Jiveturkeyass"

"are you gonna pound those or can you stay for a little bit?"

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"Make sure to tell her how great it is. Chicks dig that. They also like when you choke them. Oops. My friend added that!"

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"you're a slut" "maybe its just because you have a long tongue!"

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" www.nofaith.com/i wasntbornyesterday_youloveittoomuch "

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"Seriously, dude. Stop touching this." "That's what he said"

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"Like you locked ur keys in it??? Or it was compounded??"

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"the guy that I know is named Salon Selectives"

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"wow you're always engaged married or in love! What about divorced ?"

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"IN ABOUT three dates you wont be lagging to responding to my messages cunt so relish it"

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"whoa look how far I can go!" "uh oh. That's not healthy!"

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"that's why they invented hip hop" "I don't know what that means" "I don't either buy I almost snorted Coke OUT my nose!"

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"You just made me say fuck you in my head and I'm not posed to be cursing!"

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"My tibia is so small!" "I thought it was called a Tiburon?" "Not the car. I'm talking about my bone, you idiot!"

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"he's a really good drunk driver. He's had years of experience."

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"the restaurant was pricey.". "expensive? how much was it?" "well...I think the most expensive dish was 9 dollars...well pricey in college terms."

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"the restaurant was pricey.". "expensive? how much was it?" "well...I think the most expensive dish was 9 dollars...well pricey in college terms."

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"Hey do the iPhones come in Spanish?"

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"this dictionary has no words!"

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"I'll give you a dollar later shut the fuck up"

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"

How did you meet him?" "i met him in the elevator at my hotel."
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"Is it possible that you look more Filipino since you got back?"

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"I sound like such a bitch right now" "yeah, a gym bitch. Like, a gytch"

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"Good evening, Ma'am. You look like Tyra Bunks" (not a typo)

"I drank myself sober"

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"I stepped on a cop" "wait, you stepped on a cob, like a corn on the cob?" "No, like an officer!"

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"liars don't fit into the dark shaded region of my Venn diagram"

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"she's kind of bohemian isn't she?" "no she's Armenian" "what did you think I meant, that she was from Bohemia?!"

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"You left my hallway light on. You owe me .25 for excess energy consumption. I'll deduct it from what I owe you. I now owe you world - .25"

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"Its a solo! Its a solo! Lean like a solo!"

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"La Quinta" "that means 'next to Denny's in Spanish. Direct translation."

"There's no snow anywhere in the world. I'm googling French Alps" "Alone. You need to search 'ski French Alps alone'"

"I'm here but it is as if I'm not for about another 30 minutes."

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"Tina! My favorite song is Proud Mary! I know I don't look like it but it is can I take a picture with you?!"

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"Where is he I'm starting to get irritated." "Don't get irritated we're having fun" "Oh I'm not really irritated that was just a conversation starter"

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"someone should go to that 80s party as Corky Romano."

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"I sent him a text..." "And this was after you left him that voicemail message?" "Right so now I'm done" "Right because what else can you do, send him a telegram?" "Yeah, or Morris code"

"This monogamy shit is for the birds I'm so over it! "

"Btw are birds monogamous?"

"That is a very good question. Ugh ok well monogamy is for the lobsters. They mate for life. "

"good thing I'm the designated blogger!"

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"Give me the leprechaun taco!"

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"Oh that's a funny website...www.you'redefinitelyeatingit.com"

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'"can I close out my tab? Wait I don't even know if I have a tab..."

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"I'm indie. I drink SoCo"

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"are you going to ibiza?!" "what? A visa? I have a MasterCard."

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"the only reason they can afford it is because their parents are drug dealers" "that's not true I didn't see any drug dealers and I was looking!"

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"By the way I’m not a slut I just crush a lot"

"You should have botox for your heart you need to freeze your emotions"

"I am monogamous... as of 2 hours ago"

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"'Clap Your Hands Say Yeah.". "Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah"

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"...considering were trying to keep up..." "yeah with the Joneses"

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"pin the beads on the soco bottle!"

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"I can't believe I'm drunk in a strip mall"

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"It's bigger than you think. A little went up my nose."

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"'Clap Your Hands Say Yeah' is going to be there. Did you just clap your hands?" "yeah!"

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"I have to get over to the veterinarian's; my hams, calves, and pythons are defly ill and sick--hopefully, I won't run into the jealous LGBT community on the way because they are hating me for the punishment I am giving my bi's and tri's!"

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Nothing counts before I love you.

"I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought damn, I am less nurturing than a desert" - Demetri Martin

"It's myspace.com/romanarms. Traditional spelling." "Wait. How do ou spell 'Roman Arms' non-traditionally?"

"Where are we? How do you get here from the suburbs?" "Shhh!" "Did you just whisper the suburbs?"

"What's that band called?" "Fatigued Goat"?"

"It got really drunk out here"

"She was a couple of yeahs short of a full deck"

"Holy shit so he's a power monger and a liar? He's like Hitler!"

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"Al is god. Oops I mean all is good"

"The tokens love her"

"You seriously sang the theme song to M*A*S*H during sex? You are right you are not David Blaine. You are the devil reincarnated!"

"So of course when it comes to the tip-ing thing …you know me, once the tipping starts I'm tipped over."

"its something that's like intensely personal. I witnessed, like, a really horrific garbage truck accident."

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"white guys must love you"

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"I feel like you're going to do a cheer every time you laugh!"

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"I feel like if he was a rapper he would be Kanye West"

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"Did your phone just moo at me?"

"You want somebody to pull your hair?!" "Fine I'll pull your damn hair!"

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"oh, there's Mrs. Crepe"

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"A cyclist friend of mine in Australia was hit in the face with a water balloon." "That is so dangerous! What if she had a latex allergy?"

"What is this and why is it in my mouth?"

"You're not a Pisces you're a Lie-sces!

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"Nobody else has to walk in your Choos."

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"I want to marry whoever made this"

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"No hills. Except for the beginning, the middle, and the end."

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"do you know your Mayan sign?"

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"Wow youre circumcized?" "No I am not but i have had a vasectomy"

"I'm not going to a chateaux or a church unless that's the name of a mall!"

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"he was your guardian angel kangaroo!"

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"I've lost my lip balm again. I'm so bad at lip balm"

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"I'm totally listening to my iPod during the boring parts today"

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"for those of us travellers who drink a lot..." "she's referring to you"

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"Yoplait is not French for yogurt!"

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"I won the lotto today. I won 5 cents!"

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"If your glass is full, empty it. If it is empty, feel sorry for it"

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"I cannot believe how hard they party here. They mixed billy Jean with teen spirit and Phil Collins with prince"

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"you need a ludwig laxative!"

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"Ladies, that bartender is so cute!" "He's only yay tall!" "Yeah but so is she!"

"she's drunk." I hope so!"

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"where's the beef?"

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"ce n'est pas ce que j'ai commande. J'ai demande bien cuit!"

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