" I know its random. But if you save this it will refresh my memory "

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

"do not spit up hypnotq on my carpet. That would be gangsta. That would be straight hustle & flow'"

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

"Probably some oil on canvas thing of him as a child holding ashetland pony on a lead"

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Quote of the night

Drunk girl: "I'm glad she cut me off. She was trying to save my workday when she cut me off. She was like 'it's a fucking tuesday you slut.'". Drunk guy: "Um, it's Monday actually."

"Do you ladies need a ride home?". "I need a ride IN my home."

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

"Your eyes are always halfway closed!" "No, I'm Asian." "Great! I'm going to Blog that and people are going to think I said it!"

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

"It's like going to Neiman Marcus and expecting to find $50 jeans. It's not going to happen."

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

"texting and drinking must run in the family!"

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

"I'm not calling him wally. I'm calling him hey you"

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

"I hate to be superficial but dam you are cute! keep doing whatever it is that you are doin"

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

"maybe I need botox so I can be as elusive you"

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

"Are they drunk?" "No, I think they're just trashy."

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

"At least he didn't pull his pee pee out"

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

"Well you know you're my nearest and dearest even if you suck at sorry and swing on a rope "

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

"you're Mexican ok. May I have the camera?"

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

"Happy Birthday!" "Thanks I hope I get lucky"

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

"what, did he ask you your ethnicity?"

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

"I have tourette's you fucking cunt!"

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

"That is such a turn off. That would make me dry up like the Sahara"

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

"you're splashing everywhere. Nobody likes you. Blech!!!"

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

"I'm saving that region for another region of my life"

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

"hello! Soy drunk girl!"

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

"What if you were locked in the trunk of a car and you needed a light?"

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

"I obviously felt like I needed new shoes. Like when you get hungry you go to the refrigerator to eat"

"I don't know what you just said, but thank you!"

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

"you're not even going to remember this tomorrow I hate having fun with you"

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

"He needs to learn how to say 'no gracias'"

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

"So that's Maryland? And we are where yland?"

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

"you came over on the mayflower your are not exotic"

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

"they all want me to be Kimora Lee. She's so east coast"

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

"I'm a professional self photographer"

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

"Stop it! People are going to start thinking you're Oprah and I'm Gayle!"

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

"I don't hear bongos but the meat is really good"

"you're my new best friend. Call me every 5 minutes!"

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

"I'm not working. I'm in a cocktail dress"

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

"God I'm so fucking photogenic it hurts"

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

"he's the one over there hugging...without a chin"

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

"once you go blackberry you'll never go back berry"

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Quote of the Day

Person 1: "Your shirt makes me dizzy" Person 2: "Eat something"

"If she had a shoe fetish I’d certainly be giving her enough lettuce"

"I have one more question. Why do you always have to be like a bitch all the time?"

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

"Nothing says Italian like an Aloha shirt"

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

"spicy meatball? That is so racist!"

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

"I can't wait to watch you eat it. Do you like Dinty Moore?"

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

"My brother is so conceited. Mama don't I look good in this picture?"

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

"Oh ok I know we'll get a pic of (name) for your myspace page or for your screensaver if you prefer to go the 'teensy bit psycho’ route…"

"I bet that baby's fake"

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Quotes of the Weekend!

"That child is like a living Kokopelli"

Person 1: "I wanna weave." Person 2: " I wanna leave."

"Drink the fuck up!"

"Nothing says 'no molestar' like Mexican embroidery"

"Look at us you, fugly bitch!"

"Everyone would know that you're a slut and not just popular if you put that on your license plate"

"Don't ask him shit. He'll want money."

"please forward all my calls to the lazy river"

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

"does snack loosely translate into drink?"

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

"I deleted him from my hard drive, not my heart"

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Quote of the morning

"Admitting is the first step"

"Oh so you're stuck on step 1?"

" No. I'm just taking my time!"
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

"men are like Circle K, 'What else do you need?'"

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

"Where the fuck is my Silver?"

"I think you're the first person to ever write '(i.e. a booty call)'."

Urban Etiquette

The following are excerpts that I found witty (and quite insightful) from New York Magazine’s “Urban Etiquette” article:

What’s the best way to get someone off the treadmill/bike/elliptical when they’ve gone over the 30-minute limit?

Unless it’s a known repeat offender who feels like he owns the gym, face-to-face is the first course of action. Cardio-trainers can enter a trancelike state of intense Just Do It–ness that leaves them unaware of the time, and will be perfectly obliging when snapped out of their cardio-delirium. But if you ask and are rebuffed, it’s perfectly acceptable to notify the front desk, which is usually staffed by someone with intimidatingly large pectoral muscles for this very reason.

Is it okay to hit on someone at the gym?

Only on men, and only under the following circumstances: if you’re a gay man, and you know he’s gay too, or if you’re a straight woman and he’s a straight man. And never suggestively lick sweat off a treadmill.

If you see someone litter on the street, should you let it go because he might be crazy and kill you if you say something?

It depends on where you are—if the surroundings are unfamiliar, keep to yourself. If it’s your neighborhood, say in a forceful, faux-friendly tone, “I’m sorry, sir, you dropped something. Can I get that for you?” In all likelihood, he won’t pick it up, and you probably won’t want to, either, but the proper message has been sent.

The Four Levels of iPod Interaction

Whom you do and don’t have to unplug for.

LEVEL ONE

Continue at full blast. Consider increasing the vigor of your head-nodding and/or humming. • Guys passing out bargain-electronics-store flyers. • Idealistic-looking whippersnappers holding clipboards. • Scientologists.

LEVEL ONE AND A HALF

Subtly turn down volume. • People in the elevator you don’t know. • Someone attractive who sits down next to you on the train while you are listening to the Goo Goo Dolls.

LEVEL TWO

Make a big show of pressing PAUSE. • Anyone who approaches you while you’re working out. • Non-panhandlers on the subway (may be helpfully pointing out that your bag is open, may be distracting you in a Gangs of New York–style pickpocket ruse). • Co-workers you hate. • Friends. • Your parents, if you’re a teenager.

LEVEL THREE

Remove headphones, toss them jauntily over shoulder. • People in the elevator you know. • Anyone taking your money or instructions about how to prepare your food. • Co-workers you don’t hate. • Your parents, if you’re an adult. • Police officers.

LEVEL FOUR

Completely remove and enclose in nearest pocket/bag/ purse. • Co-workers who could have you fired in less than an hour. • Anyone who’s crying. • Police officers standing next to someone who’s pointing at you and saying, “That’s him!”

Who pays the bill on a date?

The asker pays, unless the woman does the asking—then the man should pay. If the check’s on the table and her suitor hasn’t moved for it, a woman should allow him a one-bathroom-trip grace period. If it’s still there when she comes back, she should split the bill but is entirely free to silently ruminate about what a cheap jerk he is. (For same-sex couples, the asker really does pay.)

How do you end an exchange of witty, flirtatious e-mail banter?

The exchange of witty, flirtatious banter is admittedly the e-mail quagmire with the fewest number of obvious exit strategies. Nonetheless, it should be resolved like real-time witty, flirtatious banter: with one party either summoning the courage to ask for a date or ending the quasi relationship by means of unexplained unresponsiveness.

What’s the best way to split the check in a group?

At a group meal, an equal split should be the baseline expectation: It falls to those who ordered more-expensive dishes to offer to pay more, not to others to pay less. Failure to partake in the appetizers or the wine can be cited as a reason to cut one’s contribution only if there was some socially sanctioned reason for declining (veganism, Islam, pregnancy). If you just got the soup and you don’t think that’s fair, well, think about whether it’s “fair” to make your friends eat dinner with a buzz-killing cheapskate.

WHEN IS IT ACCEPTABLE TO BLACKBERRY DURING A CONVERSATION?

When it’s a “conversation” in the sense of “The New School Presents a Conversation With Harold Bloom” and you’re there. Otherwise, never. This remains one of society’s most frequent breaches of basic human decency. Seriously, what is wrong with those people?!?

IS IT EVER OKAY TO DRIVE A HUMMER?

Yes! If you’re leading a nighttime raid in Tikrit. Otherwise, Hummers have returned to their rightful place as a semi-obnoxious, semi-absurd rarity.

Quote of the MONTH

"now put down that crackberry and listen to me"
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

"Maybe he's the one who's spreading propaganda for the sun"
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Quote of the day

"Don't let me buy anything else. Unless its shoes, accessories, or handbags."
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Quote of the day

"he looks like the topper of a wedding cake"
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Quote of the day

"no I am not ok. You're out of sky slippers and I have a foot fetish"
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Quote of the day

"Nothing says 'I love you mom' like the Hometown Buffet"
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Quote of the day

"want to find me a boyfriend on eBay?"
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Quote of the late afternoon

"Where did you hear that? Wishful hearing!"
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Quote of the afternoon

"A lot of people have seen my nani"
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Quote of the morning

"He goes to our gym. Is he gay?"
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

He said he has to picture Robbie Williams when he has sex with women!
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Quote of the Afternoon

"If your ex-trainer's wife had to match two people up for lunch it
would definitely be you two people"

Quote of the Day

A compilation, since I've been away for a while...

"Insta-family, just add water?"

"Oh right! You had to buy 200 dollars worth of white tshirts right?"

"U pushed a congresswoman, a mean rican new yorker out of line and ur scared of gettin a number?"

Quotes

I know, I'm a little behind, but I'm back on track with the quotes!

All quotes are anonymous, as usual so DON'T ASK!

First off, here's an E-mail that a friend sent me after I tried to cajole said friend into going to the gym.

reasons I hate the gym

-sweating

-wearing clingy yet stretchy clothes that are usually also ugly

-wearing the hair back or up in a pony tail

-having people see me in the above mentioned clothing while sweating

-make up melts off

-huffing and puffing

-having to wash my hair every day because now I sweat all the time

Quote of the Weekend

"They have to know English when they come. So they can tell you what
they like to eat."

Eidrian is tribal chocolate

Texts of the Quarter

A few of my favorite texts from Fall/Winter 2006:

"In line with drunky"

"Remember how you said I should date a doctor..."

"We didn't talk about anything except gym bacteria"

"Where am I posta vote?"

"Yeah, foochie fab!"

"Hahahaha so burby!"

"Someone stole (girl's name)'s credit card and charged a $7,000
facelift!"

"The worst part is the cute guy that I think I gave my wrong number to"

"I am in the basement"

"I don't know what a gif card is, or what a malk is, but yeah, that
sounds like a decent idea."

"Are you the tutor or the tutee?"

"You are such a c-unit!"

And finally....

"If a big fat man comes to your house in the middle of the night and
stuffs you in a bag, don't freak out. I told Santa I wanted you for
Christmas"

In the words of someone in the great state o' Texas, "happy holidays
y'all!"

Quote of the Day

"You have a short woman's complex"

Quote of the Day

Person 1: "I heard that copyright thing totally works, but you can't
open the envelope"

Person 2: "What's the big deal? You already know what's in the
envelope"

Person 1: "Yeah but I like getting mail!"

Quote of the Day

"He always knows when we're talking about food!!!!"

Santa, Baby

In Singapore Santa is yellow. This greeting card is at the post office there.

Yummy

I come from the rice family.

Phuket I made it

Made it

Quote of the Day

Person 1 - "Yeah, I think I saw that when we were in Taiwain"

Person 2 - "Wait, when did you go to Taiwan?"

Person 1 - "With you, dummy!"

Quote of the day

"The hookers dress exactly like we do"

Quote of the day...1 year later

"What's a blunt?"

Quote du Jour

"I must say that we have our first full table of Vietnamese Americans this evening. Isn't that wonderful?"

Quote of the night

"Can I just tell ypu that this sounds like such and airhead Romy and Michelle High School Reunion conversation right now?"

Quote of the Day

"You're getting better. So what if you mixed up 'gel' and 'gelatin'?"

Sloooooow

You know it's a slow music week when Monica, Nick Canon, Sisqo, and K-Ci have derop their records. Tha's right...all in the same week Regards, Lorena

Haircut

This takes me waaaaaaaay back. I guess I was probably between 1 and 2? That's my grandmother (Dad's mom) giving me a haircut. Just the first of many. I think I look pretty content. Note the nicely folded hands. Or was I fidgeting?

Happy Birthday Mama!

Run. Hit. Remix.

I had a lovely weekend with Jami and Ty. The highlight of the weekend was the 5 mile run on Sunday morning. I beat my fastest pace, shaving a minute off per mile. I'm gearing up for the 10 mile Iron Girl run at the beginning of December, but my next endeavor is the Phoenix New Times 10k run through Tempe in November.

Mc Greevey Mc Grievance of the day

Getting your sausage sucked behind temple is not kosher y'all.

Yummy!

Yes, that's me eating a delicious black fig. Soooooo good I had to blog about it.

New Pic

Quote of the Day

"I'm immune to all humor"

Quote of the day

One time I bought spermicide and a 12 pack and the cashier actually said "have fun"

I wanna see this!

Quote of the Day

"Ooooh I've always wanted to tell her that I was in New York"

Quote of the Day

"I tell everyone I'm Hawaiian"

Quote of the Day

"Your'e the exotic cousin"

"I like lots of choices. I'm such a good houseguest"

Quote of the Day

"Your add on took away from our brain and we forgot to drink" - Amy Abrenica, Nobu Tribeca